


Opened Flowers

by hernamewasalice



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Experimental Style, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:54:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27466759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hernamewasalice/pseuds/hernamewasalice
Summary: She punctured him and so he splits her in return.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 12
Kudos: 57





	Opened Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> thank FKA TWIGS for inspiring me with this ❤

She punctured him.

And so he splits her in return. Kylo opens her up at the place she's kept guarded her whole life. A lively garden it was and like the monster he was, he deflowers the place. She's seeping in red just like what she did to him. He's not upset that she killed him the same way she's not upset he took something from her. Perhaps what he did to her was worse.

She's going to live the rest of her life in regret of letting him in and violating her. It was such a malicious thing he's done. And it wasn't out of force but in mutual wanting. He knows that she hates herself for being drawn to him. She's always going to remember it too, her first time. It's supposed to be a memorable moment but he can tell seconds after it's over that she's haunted.

And for Kylo, he's escaped death before. Countless times. It won't haunt him as much as her. Everybody he ever loved end up trying to kill him. She's not the exception. She will never admit it, but there's blood on her hands as well.

"Do you enjoy it?" she asked as she takes the contraceptive tea he's made for her.

Kylo sits in front of her the way parallel lines work - close but never together. "Enjoy what?" he asked. He stops breathing to avoid the smell of the sludge she has to drink. It's just another reminder to them of the bitterness of this connection.

"Taking my innocence?" Rey stops to take another sip. He watches as she struggles to drink. They were parallel lines, never meant to meet. And so they do everything they can to untangle and detach from one another from every bond. "Or anyone's innocence in general?"

"Both," he responds dryly. The scent of the bitter tea is horrid but they have to take an extra precaution. Kylo wonders what was worse -the emotions she was going through after her first time while trying to prevent a variable - or him witnessing this and experiencing emotions he did not want. Both did not expect this sadness.

Rey flinches slightly and then folds back her emotions like paper.

And so does he.

* * *

It's on full display who was the most cruel and no one was surprised who it was. Ben. It's always been Ben. It was so cruel of him how compassionate he was. Empathetic. He always tries to hide it but he never succeeds. Rey closes her eyes as it happened. She wanted it - it was their choice. And they wanted to live in the moment - to have a moment of coming together after years of aching to. It was painful to a point she was delirious for she swore she saw flowers coming out of their skin as he deflowered her.

The flowers that came out were pretty white flowers and soon they withered to death along with her. In the color of red. She breathed deeply as it happened with her nails dug well into his skin. Rey always had a habit of hurting things she liked.

He doesn't pull when he gets close and neither does she. He comes inside of her and it makes her shudder. Rey finally understood the terms of it all - of 'deflowering' and a man spilling his 'seed.' Something dies in intimacy and the man attempts to bring life back to it again - of something new.

But as she takes her drink, she knows it's more than one thing that they were trying to kill.

* * *

He leaves after.

Rey knows he doesn't want to but he has to. Shortly after, her body ends up rejecting the drink. It was a nasty tonic and she's unable to hold back from vomiting. She rinses her mouth then and takes a couple bites of food before attempting to take the strong medicine again. Her whole body was hurting all over. She doesn't cry. She's not sure if she was too strong for that or was numb.

She pinches her nose as she takes the drink again.

Rey thinks she loves him because isn't that what people who love each other do?

* * *

It was supposed to be one time thing. And yet he comes back to her. He's such a weak man, letting himself fall into his temptations. An addiction. A craving. An aching. Kylo makes her a contraceptive tea after every time. Every time. It was such a torturous cycle. He's filled with the need to connect to her but with that comes with the requirement of disconnection shortly after.

"There's an injection available," Kylo tells her.

"It's not easily assessible for me." Not every planet offered that. And it was a luxury that Rey could not afford. She sighs as she forces herself to drink the contraceptive. This was a cheapest option for birth control and she can't complain. Her body tenses then as she realizes at what he was possibly offering to her. "I don't want it," she tells him.

Ben tilts his head at her. "And why is that?"

"You would go to me even more if I had the injection. This current situation is the best for us. We don't do this often with how inconvenient it is."

He frowns. But not in detest but in agreement. He proceeds to smooth out her hair.

* * *

There is this saying. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Rey finally understands the meaning of it. She examines his bare body - at all of his scars. There were stories to them but ones she dares not to ask. She knows the ones she's given him though. And as dark as it was, she's happy to see them. Some permanence of their bond that couldn't be erased.

She buries her face into his chest. He keeps her so warm when they're being intimate. Ben hurts her sometimes when they're intimate but she likes it because pain lasts much longer than pleasure. It lingers before fading away. She likes his scent and the sound of his voice. More so than his touch.

He's kissing the top of her head right now. Probably because he thinks he's hurting her. Rey doesn't say anything and just enjoys the little moment of affection.

* * *

She touches him in the place that she's punctured him periodically. Kylo always moves her hand away from it. "There's nothing to be upset about," he tells her. The marking was gone and all was forgotten to him.

But she likes to remember it. "I can't forget. I remember your mother's voice."

"She has that effect but it's best not to listen to her. Besides I've hurt you much more," Kylo mused. He leans to her and even as she's moving away, he kisses her. Rey shakes her head but she's smiling as she does this. He smirks in victory as she kisses him back.

* * *

They seem to only have conversations after - when they're subjected to the silence as she takes her contraceptive tea. She's almost used to the taste. Almost.

"You've had this type of love before, have you?" she asked.

"Yes," Kylo answers. He knows her thought process well by now. She's inferring to fleeting loves - of loves that are meant for a time frame but not forever.

She bites her lip then. She's unsatisfied by the answer but there's nothing he could do for it was the truth. She gets insecure about her lack of experience but more so was bothered that he's her first experience. Kylo had no control in that though. She could have had other experiences before him if she wanted to but instead she didn't. "How do you cope with them? When it's over?"

"You just do. You let the sadness take over until it's ready to go."

"Do you ever want forever?" she asks with such curiosity of a girl her age.

"All people do but I don't think I'm meant to live long."

* * *

She was a young girl, inclined to be vulnerable for that reason.

She's so fragile in his grasp whenever she lets him have her. Her whole body curls to him as if it's meant to. Little sniffles, little sobs, little sighs were all components of a young girl searching for love. Kylo thinks they could be together if she just lets herself. He knows that things he does she doesn't agree with but she was a survivalist. And surviving was the most important to her.

Perhaps that'll be the undoing of this space between them.

* * *

Kylo likes when she lets him get into her space. He cherishes their force bond for it splits away physical barriers of distance. He hates fighting with her but it was part of the chase - of the dance they do. They do more spinning now to avoid the other of attacking - of making the same mistake.

* * *

Sometimes, Kylo thinks she's used to the taste of the contraceptive. She's taken it so many times and yet still struggles to swallow it. Sometimes he thinks it's not that tea she's having a hard time swallowing but their bond they're destined to severe.

* * *

When they are intimate, each time feels like a first.

He doesn't think that it was possible. Every time they're left both stunned in the act of it all. "I've felt this before - you," she would tell him each time as he nearly mauling her. Violating her. She says this in such a soft voice that's strong enough to cut him open.

She's speaking of their bond - of what they are. A dyad. They have been their whole lives but never learned it until recently and so a majority of their lives they were lost.

And every time she tells him this, he tries to speak to let her know he has too but he can never find the strength to.

* * *

With every passing fight -

it becomes more tiring.

They hesitate each time because they don't want to but they know they have to.

Their movements are not as pronounced and lively as it used to be. They move slower and sometimes go still on the spot.

This was the dance they had. It was the nature of it all.

Rey wants this to end but a part of her doesn't because she knows where it'll lead.

* * *

Deep down, they know where this was going to end. They won't say because they already know the outcome. Rey knows she's going to win because Ben doesn't want her to lose. He's always been so indifferent to death while she has always been so fearful. She always struggled to survive, barely gotten to live because of it. She never thought she was so fearful of someone else's mortality until she briefly took his away.

And yet with Ben, he doesn't seem to be changed by that fact.

* * *

"If things went your way, where would you want it to go?" she asked.

Kylo knows what she means despite how cryptic she could be. He's reminded again of how different they were. "I don't want to start a family." He watches her become dejected by his answer. He remains unaffected for he never falters to be honest to her. Even if it was brutal.

"And why is that?" Rey asked as she held on to her cup.

"I know the type of person that I am and I let people down. The last thing I want to do is to let down another person."

"Snoke was just figurehead."

"And how about my father?"

Rey went silent.

Kylo exhaled deeply and pats her head. "The world is a mess and the last thing I want to do is bring another life to this broken galaxy."

"You said your goal is to restore balance."

His mouth turns slightly. Rey sighed because he's treating her like a child again. "But you don't agree with my views and it's going to be a lifelong fight for it. There's no space for me to bring someone else."

"You always said there was space for me," Rey countered. She pauses as she heard how childish her voice sounded.

"Yes but I know now you'll never take it."

Rey clutches to her cup. "So what are we doing then?"

"Enjoying the moment until it passes."

* * *

She's pushing him away again. They've been having more times together where she refuses him. Kylo doesn't assert himself on her, he never does. It's not because of compassion but it hurts her more when he's being calm. If he acts the way she thinks of him, she'll use it as a reason to leave. "Why does it always have to be by what you want?" Rey asked.

"And tell me what do you want?"

Rey's eyes flickered. "I don't...I don't know."

Kylo frowned. He knows what she means. She's never been good with communicating on the account she's been alone her whole life. Human contact was still foreign to her. Expressing herself was difficult but he knows her. She wants the same things as him and yet entirely different things all at once.

Day and night.

That's what they were.

"Tell me," he presses on, keeping his tone low.

She leans to him and begins to whisper.

He feels flowers begin to grow from him skin and hers.


End file.
